Today I came to the realization that being 47 is my favorite year in life with the full understanding of how uncomfortable society makes it for women to age gracefully. We are bombarded with products promising to reverse the signs of aging simultaneously running ads that tell us what we should do to FEEL young with minimally invasive procedures. I am happy that I, at THIS age, feel more confident than I ever did in my 20's.
It makes me sad to look back and know that I spent years in abusive relationships with my lips sealed due to being ashamed of being viewed as a failure or blamed. I so desperately longed for that picture perfect family that I ran to love like a horse runs to water in a desert. I let men take advantage of me. I supported men who did nothing to better themselves or help.
If I were the woman I am today I would have NEVER stayed one MINUTE with a man who EVER laid a hand on me in anything but love. I would have NEVER remained with a man who made me feel like a hostage in my own home and told me I was stupid, less or unworthy. I would have never mourned the loss of a husband who was a bigamist, a liar, a fake. I would not have allowed that betrayal to void my ability to trust. To make me turn away from my calling, my faith for a time. I would not now always feel like I have to be one step ahead, sleep with one eye open, never get close enough to ever cry a tear.
I would have NEVER paired myself up with anyone who did not have manners, education, who had drinking or drug issues. I would have NEVER allowed a man to terrorize my children and I. I would not have lied to my family to make a man appear to be something he wasn't. I would not have smiled and told everyone I was fine while my make-up hid the bruises. I would not have punished myself through Anorexia and Bulimic tendencies, smoking cigarettes. These experiences forever changed me in ways that I may never fully recover from. I am not sure I have a desire too.
I am proud to be a woman who is no longer submissive just because I am told to be. I am no longer a woman who fears failures. I embrace them as stepping stones that catapulted my will further to get where I wanted to be. I learned to love ME and to KNOW that I can be whatever I want to be, whoever I choose to be and accomplish more than any one thing. I CAN do ANYTHING and so can YOU! So today I am thankful that I can write to make money. I can express myself openly and honestly and albeit sometimes offensive; I also recognize that no one makes anyone read anything he or she does not want to and it is such an easy thing to scroll on, block or ignore. I also know ( as the psychologist I am trained to be) that those who continue to read yet scream at the content, stick around for a deeply personal reason that I neither know or control.
I embrace that we are all different and society has ZERO right to dictate who we are or should be. Judgement in the world is at an all time high as far as the eye can see. My faith tells me that this has been prophesized, none the less it does not make living in these times an easy task. Peace is difficult to find and even more difficult to hold on to. Try as we might we all make judgements for various reasons justifying so that we may bypass reflection or guilt. At the end of this day it is on my heart that no one EVER knows the entire story of ANYONE'S life. We only see what our blinders allow or what it is we are told. If I step outside myself I can see that I could have ended up homeless, on drugs, poor, uneducated. I could have been richer, a brain surgeon. My life could have gone further on either end of the spectrum. As long as I have life I have the ability to change. I have the ability to forgive. To genuinely forgive others you MUST forgive YOURSELF. You cannot give others that which you deny yourself. So FORGIVE yourself the mistakes. Forgive the wrongs you did to others and then forgive THEM whether you feel they deserve it or not. God forgives us EVERYDAY thru the crucifixion of His Only Son. NONE of us deserve it but when we learn to practice it then and only then will the resentments, the anger, the hatred, the sadness the ugliness we hide inside slowly disappear and the gift of understanding, compassion and tolerance will begin to win and suffocate the evil in the world. Look in the mirror today and tell the voices in your head that are not positive to go to HELL; tell yourself you ARE beautiful, you ARE worthy and no matter WHAT age you are it is NEVER too late or RIDICULOUS to do ANYTHING you dream. You are BEAUTIFUL in the BODY you are IN! Jesus loves you and so do I!
Today I have BLUE hair and at 58 I may have GREEN hair. Love God. Love HIS love for YOU and then when you FINALLY embrace THAT; do not allow ANYONE in your life that does not love you AS IS! CHANGE for NO one. TOLERATE NO PUNISHMENT. Love is a 4 letter word not an acronym for I love you IF, I love you BUT, I love you when.... NONE of us are perfect ALL of us suck sometimes and let our feelings get the best of us. Instead of lashing out let us all try to hold out arms of understanding, friendship, empathy and good hard self chastising before we chastise one another. #ForgiveForgiven
Real life observations and reflections of a born again Christian Minister ,Special Education Teacher, Freelance Journalist, Domestic Abuse Survivor, Veteran and Mother of four beautiful children that includes a son with multiple disabilities to include Spina Bifida, Autism, Hydrocephalus, Chiari. I am on a mission to teach & learn truth in life, in inclusion, disabilities and Christianity.
I am not your mother’s preacher. I am a no nonsense, bold, outspoken woman that knows that God does not show favoritism and that none of us is sin free nor will we EVER be free of sin. I do not hide from you anything. If I cannot hide it from God why hide it from anyone? God hears and sees all. If you think it; He heard it so; you might as well be honest about it. I have survived SO many tragedies in life.
I have served as a crisis counselor, minister, severe behavioral special education teacher, an advocate for Special Education rights and life coach and the list goes on and on. There is NOTHING in life you cannot change, overcome, accept and turn into a story of inspiration. Come journey with me as I lay out what God puts on my heart and tackle the hot topic issues of the world from time to time. Please COMMENT, Message, agree, disagree and offer your insights. We can learn from one another. I love a spirited debate.